“I am dying,” she told him.
“Darling, we are all dying,” was his reply.
Why wouldn’t anyone take her seriously? She hadn’t felt well for
weeks … maybe months. Everyone … even doctors told her it was stress … that she
needed to take more time for herself, not work such long hours, eat better,
exercise more … the same old same old. But … she knew it was something else …
not sure what, but something about her body told her there were underlying
physical issues. She had no definite or specific symptoms … just things did not
So … she cut back at work, visited a nutritionist for a healthy
eating plan, joined a health and wellness center to do the proper exercise for
her and even asked for simple things to do at home to increase her energy and
stamina. On her own she decided to stop drinking coffee and soda only drinking
herbal teas with local honey and brewed in natural alkaline water.
After a month she did feel a bit better. She was even sleeping
better and actually getting rest every night. Those last 10 stubborn pounds she
had been fighting finally disappeared and she had more energy. Yet … she still
knew something was not right.
Time to have everything checked out she decided. A visit with
her doctor on her terms made sure she was tested for all the illnesses in her
family background. There had to be something making her feel so bad. All the
testing came back negative for the health issues in her family. But … there was
something strange showing up along her spine and the base of her brain. The
doctors screened and scanned for MS, fibromyalgia, even ALS and still nothing.
The doctors and even specialists agreed that there was something
… but no one could pinpoint what that something was. For now since there were
no specific symptoms there was no treatment. She was told to keep up with her
daily journal as she had been doing since decided something was wrong. She
wrote down every body function, what she ate and drank, how much exercise,
rest, sleep, etc. on a daily basis.
Nothing changed, not even a pound lost or gained … yet … she
still felt like crap.
In a dream her maternal grandmother came to her. She was
reminded that the Cockrum’s always knew when they were going to die. Not a
definite date and time, but an approximation regarding their death.
After that dream, she resigned herself to death … just not a how
or when. She got her affairs in order just in case and wont on with her life.
She still felt like crap most of the time but accepted it as her fate for now.
The doctors all poked, prodded, tested and scanned every six months with no
change in their findings.
She told no one about her health issues. Was amazed when people
told her she looked wonderful with glowing skin and shiny hair … and there had
been just enough weight loss and toning that even she knew her clothes fit
really well and enhanced her overall appearance.
She even allowed herself to become involved with a loving caring
man who supported her without suffocating. A real life partner … each
complimented the other. But … she knew he must know what was going on. She had
to tell him she was basically a time bomb ticking her life away.
she finally told him she was dying, he just smiled and told her that everyone
was dying and they would get through whatever was in the future together. She
had hope and no longer cared how much time she would be alive … just live
everyday as though it might be her last.
Some country singer has a song titled
something like this:
“Live As if You are Dying”
the two cannot
From the moment
we are born
we begin not only
the process of living
the process of dying
There is another quote
that goes something
The older I become
the more meaningful
the phrase …
“Live each day
as though it
For me, I plan
to live each day
to the fullest
doing what I
want along the way
Should I leave
the world a better
place in the process
so much the better …
I intend to go
out with a bang
not a whimper …